


Harry Hart, Catholic Whore

by Marzi



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, Dirty Talk, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 09:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3604977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marzi/pseuds/Marzi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forgive me Father, for I have sinned</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harry Hart, Catholic Whore

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

"All can be forgiven, my son. Tell me, when was your last confession?"

"Three days ago, in the back of your car."

_"For God's sake you two, focus."_

"Did you hear that my son? The voice of God himself-"

_"Lancelot, Galahad, if you-"_

"-telling you to focus. You _can_ achieve salvation."

"Tell me how, father."

"Fall to your knees and pray, my son."

_"Do I want to know why it's gone quiet?"_

" _Hng_ \- Just- oh God yes- Galahad going through his Hail- _fucking Christ_ Marys."

_"The two of you are supposed to be infiltrating the clergy, not debauching each other in- are you actually_ in _a confessional?"_

"Why Merlin, you sound- _fuck yes, just like that_ \- surprised."

_"They aren't exactly known for being spacious."_

"A Kingsman- _hng_ \- knows how to utilize what he's given. God. Take Galahad here."

_"I already have."_

"No man with a mouth like- wait, what?"

_"Two days ago, in the back of a taxi."_

"Oh, you little whore. _Nnng, fuck._ Do you like it when I call you that? Fuck yes, you do, don't you. My dirty whore- _Fuck!_ "

_"You are aware that confessionals aren't soundproof?"_

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou- _oh God_..."

_"I don't think the priest is the who is supposed to be saying that prayer at confession."_

"It's to be said by all us sinners."

_"Galahad. I see you've got your tongue back."_

"Lancelot is currently seeing God, I have eyes on target."

_"It's remarkable target doesn't have eyes on you."_

"There's a large congregation today, and when the confessional is full people know to stay away. Do you suppose if no one realizes he's dead I can still make mass before the police arrive?"

_"God, I forget you're actually Catholic."_

"You whore."

"Welcome back, Lancelot. How was communion?"

"How could you shag Merlin without inviting me?"

"Well, it was spur of the moment, we didn't exactly have time to- Target is down, I repeat, target is down, Merlin- time to write up invitations."

"You don't have to write anything, you just call."

"No, no, we have to do this properly. Merlin, can Lancelot join us for a shag?"

"That's just a call, like I said-"

_"Get out of there you two, the bishop wants to see you."_

"Would that be Arthur?"

"Arthur would be the Pope."

"Then why does Merlin get to be the bishop? Surely he'd just be a priest like the rest of us-"

_"Back to base, both of you."_   


**Author's Note:**

> For the kink prompt 'Harry Hart, Catholic Whore'


End file.
